why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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