Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
