I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
