i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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