there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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