Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
