How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
