I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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