think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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