that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
