I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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