She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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