I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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