You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
