my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
