I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
