Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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