there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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