you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
