sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
