Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
