is your mom at the bar?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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