Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
