He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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