i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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