i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
