Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
