is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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