suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
