does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
