Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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