i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
