I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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