ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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