Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
