Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
