corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let's get the cat blown out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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