I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
