so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
