your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
