there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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