does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
