Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think your dad took our porno
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
