Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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