I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
