The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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