Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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