I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
