I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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