Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
