Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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