My room smells like vodka and shame
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dicks are not precious.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
